Tips for Building a Strong Relationship with Your Child During Difficult Times

Life can be tragic and emotionally challenging at times, and being a parent can add to the difficulty. How do you know what to say, do, or feel around your child when your family is in rougher waters? The most important parenting task, whether in happy or difficult times, is to build a strong relationship with your child. A strong parent-child bond can navigate through turbulence with ease. What exactly can you do to improve a bond when times are already tough?

Be Emotionally Available

When times get tough, your child will want to be able to turn to you for support. You mustn't dismiss or overlook them. Allow them to connect with you. Share your emotions. Lead by example and express your feelings in a healthy and productive manner. Show care and concern for them, and let them know that you're there for them. Emotional availability can help your child seek your comfort, regardless of what they're going through.

Engage in Active Listening

When your child comes to you about something they are struggling with, they need to be heard. Acknowledge their feelings and validate them by asking questions and encouraging them to provide more information. Avoid punishing your child for admitting or telling you the truth. Encourage emotional honesty and be honest with them in return. Don't force them to open up to you; instead, create a safe space for them to do so. Be present and engaged when your child speaks with you.

Maintain Familiar Routines

Predictability in a child's daily life can eliminate a lot of feelings of anxiety. Times of hardship, such as divorce, abuse, moving, or loss, often stem from shocking or unpredictable events. It's paramount to maintain normalcy during challenging times. They may need a few days off from school for healing, but you can still maintain a normal routine through regular mealtimes, scheduled hobbies or activities, routine chores, and other daily tasks. Consistency and predictability in an otherwise chaotic event can help life feel more normal and comfortable.

Respect Boundaries

Sometimes, your child won't want to share their emotions or thoughts. They may want private time to process their feelings. While you don't want to encourage complete withdrawal, you'll also need to find a balance of respecting their boundaries. Even as their parent, you don't want your child to feel as if they have no agency or autonomy over their life. Respect their emotions or opinions, even if you don't agree with them. Show support for them, and you may find that they open up to you more. Avoid touching them when they show signs of discomfort. Don’t disrespect their “no.” Respecting your child's boundaries during stressful moments can help them relax and feel safer with you.

Advocate for Your Child

As a parent, you are also an advocate and protector for your child. When difficult times arise, you will be a source of comfort for them, especially in public. During emergencies, you may be the spokesperson for your child. If your child experiences abuse, for example, you may need to fight for their safety, boundaries, and rights. It can be difficult for children to be seen and heard on their own. Lawsuits for sexual abuse in IYC Chicago, a youth center, showed one way of families advocating for their child in an environment where they weren't being heard. Speaking up for your child, getting them medical and mental health support, removing them from harmful environments, and reporting abuse or bullying are all excellent ways of advocating for your child and keeping them safe.

Spend Quality Time Together

Difficult times don't require constant mourning and grieving. You can maintain a sense of normalcy and happiness by strengthening your bond with your child and doing fun things together that bring you both joy and happiness. Head to an amusement park or visit the zoo. Have a picnic in the park or do an art project together. Play a two-player video game or engage in a traditional board game. Quality time can help you both find resilience and common ground when your relationship is being tested. Even if the hardship isn't due to your relationship, quality time serves as an excellent distraction from tough emotions or rough days.

Be Honest with Your Child

Life isn't always fair, and when emergencies or hardships strike your family, ignoring the problem can be detrimental to your healing. Being honest about what is occurring can help them understand the reasoning behind difficult moments. Honest conversations can serve as valuable teaching moments about life's difficulties and the importance of telling the truth, even when it is hard to do so. Try to be open and upfront with your kids about what is wrong. Even if they don't completely understand, your bonds can strengthen, and you'll lead by example.

Celebrate Small Wins

Difficult times can make emotions tense and daily routines challenging to navigate. Sometimes, you just need a win. Find an excuse to celebrate happy moments, no matter how small. Getting excited or celebrating small victories can make life more exciting and give you a reason to be satisfied. These moments are important for your kids to experience.

Seek Help When Needed

Tough times can be difficult to manage on your own. Seeking legal or mental health support when needed can show your family the importance of relying on community and support systems at times. Professional assistance can help you find resources and solutions for many of life's problems without overwhelming you.

Conclusion

A strong bond between a parent and child can help you find joy and resilience in difficult times. You’ll want to be a source of comfort and support, regardless of the circumstances; engage in active listening and avoid punishing your child for being honest. Engage in activities together that are fun and encourage the development of team-building skills. Celebrate all of your child’s wins, no matter how small. Fight and speak up for your child when necessary, and ensure they receive any mental health or legal support if abuse or trauma occurs. As a parent, you should be a pillar of strength and familiarity when life disrupts the norm.